I am an alcoholic, but no one knows but me

I don't know who out there is actually reading this, but I'm writing anyway. I have a real problem with drinking on a daily basis. There is no particular brand for my poison, but almost anything. I only drink at night when everyone else is asleep. No one seems to know my problem, but me. Not even my best of friends and closest family members know the inner hatred I have for the love for alcohol.

Don't get me wrong, I don't drink to get hammered, but just buzzed. I have only gotten sick from drinking about three times in my life. I'm in my late 20's for the record. I rarely ever do drive when under the influence, but I won't lie (no point since anonymous) that I have driven under the influence that certainly would have resulted in a DUI.

My drinking over the last three or four years has grown into a big problem. Before anyone (if anyone sees this) draws any conclusions, I'm not depressed or the kind of person who drinks over a woman.

I drink because I am addicted to it. FUCK, that actually feels good to write that or say that other than what I think in my head. No one has ever heard me say I have a drinking problem. Friends have seen me drunk, but only the weekends when it is acceptable in most cases.

What no one knows is that I drink on a daily basis. I drink every single night. It is something that calms me. I can vividly say that my drinking is just used to make me able to fall asleep, because my mind never shuts the fuck up.

I'm quite entrepreneurial in thinking, and always have new ideas for everything from inventions to possible home businesses. For that, my mind races when I try to fall asleep sober. Sleeping pills they sell at the local drug stores make me feel like shit. The dramamine style ones only manage to make me twitch when trying to fall asleep.

Back to the problem of drinking every night, this wasn't always the case. Sadly, I can't remember when I was more normalized. Sure, when I was in my early 20's, I drank weekly, but not on a daily basis. These were the times when we (my friends and I) would go out every other weekend to a club or a bar. I drank my dues, but always knew where to draw the line between being drunk, and passed out shitfaced.

Now I'm to the point where I drink every night, and I know it's a problem. I'll go into it with other posts.